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The totaly pointless ramblings of a Jeep owner.

Saturday, December 06, 2003

Goin to the Bills game! 

My little bro just "procured" three tickets to the Bills/Jets game tomorrow. Going to be a cold, but fun day.

More Banjokes. 

A man decides to take a short vacation from his job and travel somewhere exotic. So, he books a trip to a small, essentially untouched Pacific island where the native culture is still intact. He has great expectations (no, not the novel by Dickens) for his trip, as he really needs the time off.
So, he sets sail on his chartered ship to the island paradise. As the boat is approaching the island, he notices the sound of drums. "How quaint," he thinks, "the natives are engaging in an ancient ritual with drums." He arrives at the island and gets something to eat. All this time, the drums are going. Well, after a few hours, he begins to wonder when the drums are going to stop. So, he asks a native why the drums are going on so long. The native runs away screaming with a terrified look on his face.

Thinking he has probably disturbed the sanctity of the native ritual by asking an intrusive question, the man decides to just forget about the drums and enjoy his vacation. But, after another two days of continuous drums, it's really beginning to bother him. So, he asks another native, "When are the drums going to stop?" The native just looks at him. So, he asks, "Why are the drums going on so long?" This native, like the first one, runs away screaming.

So, after another two days, the man has had it with drums. He grabs the first native he sees by the neck & demands that he make the drums stop. The native replies "I would rather die than be the one who stops the drums." The man asks him why. Slowly, the native answers…"Because when the drums are over, the banjo solo starts!"


********************************************************************************************

At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to banjo players for our experiments?"
"Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?"

"Well, for several reasons. we found that banjo players are far more plentiful; the lab assistants don't get so attached to them; the Animal Rights Activists leave us alone; and there are some things even a rat won't do... However, sometimes it is very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings."





This gives new meaning to the term "Hot Flash" 

A little safety reminder.

And remember, smoking is even more dangerous at a gas pump.

Friday, December 05, 2003

Holiday joke. 

I don't remember where I heard this one, but here goes.

Bill was a retiree who just loved to eat. His favorite sauce in the whole world was Hollandaise sauce. He would put it on everything he ate. However, this would cause his dentures to rust faster than he could replace them. So, he went to see a group of denture specialists to see if anything could be done. After much deliberation, one finally told him to try a chrome dental plate. He got one made, and sure enough they didn't rust. When he called the specialist to tell him it worked, the specialist replied, "Of course. Haven't you ever heard, there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise."

I have comments!!!!!! 

So now if you want to leave a little note, you can. I've been wondering how to do this for a while. Thanks to Harv for bringing the subject up at Bad Money.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Well it was working... 

Furious George seems to go down once in a while. It was working when I linked it. Still, it was funny, in a Grand Theft Auto sort of way.

Somehing funny from Single White Male 

Just something funny i found in his sidebar. The felonious adventures of Furious George.

I'm going to put it in my sidebar too.

More banjokes 

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a banjo player?
Fast food that delivers itself.

How can you tell if the stage is level?
There is drool coming out of both corners of the banjo player's mouth.

What's the best/fastest way to tune a banjo?
With wire cutters.

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Football for a good cause 

Harv, over at Bad Money, has a great link to follow. It is easy to vote, and it is a very good cause.

The only problem is that my Bills are way down in 18th or so. But they beat the Dolphins!!!!

Hey, I got an honorable mention. 

Not too bad. Of course, he gave most of us an honorable mention. No losers, but only one winner. My answer wasn't too bad was it?

Any way, new question:
What steps should the Alliance of Free Blogs take to seek and destroy those cheating bastards the League of Liberals?


My answers:

1) First, send them an ad for the Bottled Water of the Month Club. (This is a liberal/hippy kind of thing, so they won't suspect a thing.) Now you have their home addresses. Sign them up for the Soap of the Month Club. They still won't know what to do with the two, so send them a copy of the U.S. Military Personal Hygiene. They will then, because they do anything that the government tells them to do, wash. This will remove their hippieness and convert them to productive members of society. Effectively rendering the LoL powerless.

2) Boil them in their own juices. Rendering them into soap. (Poetic justice, as well as a usefull tool for converting other lib/hippies.)

3) Sic Chomps the worlds angriest Baathist party member on them.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

This is a test 

I am trying to test a block quote code

Note that there is a padding on the inside of the text box. I've seen several people use the blockquote tag without padding and the text runs right up beside the outlined box is hard to read. I also like to use full justify on the text because I think it looks more appealing visually. Some people don't use a colored background or outlined box and use only margins and italics to display blockquotes. Just experiment with your settings until you get them the way you like them.




Will it work?

Monday, December 01, 2003

More banjo jokes! 

A banjo player, a politician, and an accordian player all jump off of the Empire State Building. Who gets saved?
We all do!

What's the difference between a banjo and a Maccaw?
One is loud, raucus and annoying. The other is a bird.

What is the best thing to play on a banjo?
A flame thrower.

Contest Entry for Single White Male 

Joey, over at Single White Male had a new contest up last week. It expires tonight if you want to get a shot at it.

Anyhow, the question was:

Some kin of yours invites you over for Thanksgiving dinner and when you get there, much to your dismay you discover a totally vegan Thangsiving! You don't want to give thanks for tofu and rice. What do you do? What do you do?

My answer:
I would just go back to my car and get some of the roadkill I picked up on the way over and grill it right up at the table with my George Foreman Lean-Mean-Grillin Machine.
Mmmm.... crispy squirrel.

Be back tomorrow with the winner.

Sunday, November 30, 2003

A little recipe for the holidays. (Not for everyone) 

FRUIT CAKE RECIPE

One Cup Water
One Cup Sugar
Four Large Eggs
Two Cups of Dried Fruit
One Teaspoon of Baking Soda
One Teaspoon of Salt
One Cup of Brown Sugar
Lemon Juice
Nuts
One Bottle of Whiskey (High Quality)

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and check in the cup of drier fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of sale, or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.


(Found on the Bluegrassbanjo website)

Hey, the Bills are doing good! 

That must be because I cut Bledsoe from my fantasy football team. Of course, now that I've said this, the Bills will fall apart and lose again.

How do you improve the aerodynamics of a banjo player's car? 

Take off the pizza sign.
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