The totaly pointless ramblings of a Jeep owner.

Friday, March 05, 2004

A Filthy Lie: The new Instapundit Logo 

I got home late that night. But then again, I usually get home late, so that was no big deal. Much to my surprise though, the light on my answering machine was blinking. I thought I unplugged that, I said to myself. Intrigued, I pressed the play button.

‘Special Agent GEBIV,’ the voice began, ‘you have been selected for a dangerous mission. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to seek out and obtain evidence of the new Instapundit logo. If you are discovered, we will disclaim all knowledge of your activities. Unless we can get a movie deal out of it. This tape will self destruct… NOW!”


Hey, that was a new answering machine. I hate it when they do that. Well, my task was clear. I knew that I had a…

(Cue theme music)

My first thought was to go to where Evil Glenn lives, and physically break into his computer and steal his prototype drawings. Hey, I thought, Harvey does it all the time and it doesn’t seem that hard. So I quickly looked up Evil Glenn’s personal information and found that he lives in Tennessee.

OK. A little too far to drive over in one afternoon, and my personal jet was having a few existence problems. Namely, I didn’t have the money to own one.

So, that made the frontal assault out of the question. It looked like I was going to have to call in some assistance on this one. Enter blogless brother, codename Culbrez. (That’s pronounced Cool Breeze. And don’t ask me, he came up with that himself years ago.)

‘Well, blogless brother,’ I said, ‘can you do it? Can you hack into Evil Glenn’s computer and steal the plans for the new Instapundit logo?’

His only answer as his fingers blurred over his keyboard was a little twitch of his eyebrow. A twitch which seemed to say ‘What kind of fool are you? I could do this in my sleep with all of my fingers duct taped together behind my back with black olives on the end of each digit.’

Pretty fancy talk for an eyebrow, I thought.

Suddenly, my blogless brother stiffened and threw himself backwards off his chair. Covering his face with his hands, he started to writhe and scream on the floor. Crouching to help him, I could see smoke seeping through the fingers covering his eyes. As I turned to look at his computer, to see what had caused this horrific injury, the monitor exploded in a shower of sparks. Seconds later the CPU tower melted down into a small lump of slag.

‘What did you see?’ I asked my brother as his screams subsided to a low moaning.

‘It burns.’ He wimpered. ‘It burns. He can see me, and there is nowhere for me to escape.’
I puzzled over his words as the ambulance drove him to the hospital. But his warning rang in my ear.

‘Whatever you do, don’t look at it,’ he said. And he refused to describe what he had seen. ‘It still burns when I think of it,’ he moaned. ‘Please, don’t make me.’

However, just before he was wheeled into the ambulance, I had managed to get him to give me the url of the dreaded logo. 'So I don't go to that page by accident,' I told him.

Having seen the damage done to my poor blogless brother, I heeded his warning not to look. So I have not actually looked upon this icon of pure evil myself. But if you have the courage, and comprehensive medical coverage, you can go here.

Addendum: The blogless brother has recovered very well, but now seems to be obsessed with something he calls his ‘preciousssss.’ And going on and on about ‘one blog to rule them all.’

Thursday, March 04, 2004


I'm the number one google search for the word "GEBIV"

OK. So it's not a real word or name. It is my initials. Plus a roman numeral.

Another Evil Glenn Sighting 

I got this e-mail from my bloggless brother. Prepare yourself for another filthy lie... but a fun one.

First the Snowman was trying help the Penguins learn how to fly.

Then there was a co-mingling of species with Penguin's and Orca's playing
together with the Snowman.

But then Evil Glen stepped in and destroyed the friendship.

A little hint, try to hit the landmines.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Precision Guided Humor 

Proposed Ralph Nader Campaign Slogans

I’m Mean, I’m Green, I’m a vote getting machine.

Because Ketchup kills tomatoes.

Hey, 2.74% of the population can’t all be wrong.

Let’s vote ourselves back to the Stone Age.

I wanna win this time. Waaah!

Corporations bad. Nader good.

Bush/Cheney ’04

Monday, March 01, 2004

Stick a fork in them, they're done. 

Well, it doesn't even look like they're trying anymore. The Sabres have given up four in a row with some pretty lousy playing. I guess that they used up all of their goals on their big scoring streak a couple of weeks ago. But now they only seem to show up for a few minutes of each game.

I even went to the Friday night game against the Islanders. At that game at least they seemed to be playing hard, but they couldn't get the puck in the net on the good scoring chances. And they couldn't stop the Islanders on their's. It was a tough game to watch.

(OK, my dad got us some free tickets. And if someone ever offers you seats in one of the corporate suites, accept. No matter how bad your team is playing. The food...the cushioned seats... the bathroom... the food. Seriously, the bathroom was larger than my bathroom at home, and every suite had their own.)

But I digress... But anyway, I have to say that I have pretty much given up on the Sabres' playoff chances. Even when they do play hard, they can't seem to get the bounces that they need when they need them.

Oh well, at least the NFL draft is coming up soon. Almost time to go into Bills fanatic mode.
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